Handmaiden's Joy

Not Only "What Would Jesus Do?"

Kathy — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:20:00 GMT

My son, Josh (left), and friends.

There's alot of meanness going on.

And I am not referring to the world.

Sadly, there is often no more love to be found inside the church walls than outside them. Which is why I think we should stress not only, "What Would Jesus Do?", but "HOW Would Jesus Do it?"

When you look at the attitudes of some Christians against sinners, and you compare it to what we know of the way Jesus walked on this earth, you'll find little similarity. Folks, when Jesus walked this earth He was criticized for loving sinners. He ate with sinners. He hung out with sinners. Most of the harsh words He spoke was not to sinners, but to those who thought themselves better than sinners. And before you tell me He only spent time with sinners in order to "convert" them, let me assure you I don't believe that for a second. The Jesus I know doesn't make "projects" out of people. From what I know of our Lord, He is truly interested in people and in their lives. I believe He totally had a relationship with these... gasp... sinners, which is why they couldn't resist Him.

Before I go on, I'd like to make it understood that when I refer to "sinners", I mean ALL sinners, even those already saved by the grace of God, but for one reason or another are still committing sins... like baby Christians, or Christians who have lost their way. It is horrible to turn people off from the Lord who do not know Him and might not ever again find Him, but it is almost just as horrible to further injure a sick or baby Christian with your harsh, hateful judgementalism.

Jesus looked at people with love... all people. He rarely criticized, and when He did, He spoke only the words given to Him by the Father (John 12:49; John 14:10). If JESUS didn't even speak rebuke to sinners unless it was given to Him by the Father, why do we think we are qualified to go about calling people out on their sins in His name?

We were not put in this world to judge people. We were put here to love. Yes... there is wrong in the world. Yes... we have a responsibility to teach truth, but there is a time and place for everything. To run amok "teaching truth" outside of the Holy Spirit is like a toddler running about trying to help his mother cook dinner, more of a hindrance than a help. We truly must make sure the words we speak are from the Lord, especially a rebuke. Otherwise, the sinner's heart is not ready to receive the words we speak and we have just done more harm than good... caused them to move further away from God rather than closer.

We are only responsible for what the Lord gives us to say... nothing more, nothing less. If you feel you simply MUST say something to that young lady in the back row with the low-cut blouse, then get yourself some duct tape and place it firmly over your mouth until you can get your tongue under control. If you have to wonder if the words you wish to speak are of yourself or of God, then it is probably best to use my motto... when in doubt, shut up. God is a big God. He is well able to make Himself plain. If He wants you to say something badly enough, He will make sure you know what it is you are to say.

I know this blog seems harsh. It has been building inside me for quite some time. But when your life is shared with outcast teenagers who tell you story after story of the garbage "Christians" have spouted in the name of Jesus, there is no other way to react. It simply makes me want to vomit. Those "well-meaning" folks who hurt these kids went on with their lives, blissfully unaware of what they'd done. I'm sure they felt good and righteous as they walked away,,, but they left carnage in their wake. What a terrible shame.

My daughter cries like a baby every time it happens (and it does happen way too often). She says, "Mom, they might never understand how much Jesus loves them because all these people keep telling them this junk." I don't know what to say to them. I am ashamed to be associated with these "moral police". I just keep telling them that Jesus loves them... that yes, Jesus will listen to them when they pray... yes, He will save them... He wanted to save them so badly, He willingly died a horrible death to make it possible, not just for clean-cut "churched" kids, but for them. For mixed-up young men who continuously make bad decisions. For confused teenage girls never taught that beauty comes from within rather than the flaunting of their physical attributes. For the angry son rejected by his biological father. For the young lady barely more than a child who is suddenly expecting a child of her own. For all of them... for all of us.

Jesus said, "Come unto Me, ALL ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give ye rest." Jesus loves them all. Shouldn't we love them, too?

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

What is Hospitality?

Kathy — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:30:00 GMT

When many of us think of hospitality, our minds flit to pictures in magazines of beautiful, well-attended homes... tables set with matching plates and linens, a barbeque grill set up around the pool, or other such modern images of "entertainment". However, anyone who has thrown such a party knows that it takes work... alot of work... to pull off and thus, does not happen as often as we'd like.

Yet the Bible tell us in many places that we should offer hospitality.. that we should even be given to hospitality (Romans 12:13). What does that word "given" mean? According to Strong's, it means to "follow after" or "press toward". But that seems an impossibility, right? I mean, really, in today's day and age who has time to entertain all the time?

When I was younger, I was uncomfortable with guests. I have never been the best housekeeper, and if everything wasn't in its place I wasn't in the mood for guests, even kids my children wanted to bring home with them. On the other hand, I was uncomfortable telling people (even kids) they couldn't come to my home. It didn't sit well with me, having come from a family "given to hospitality", but I would just shrug and ask "How did Mom & Mamaw do it?" (My grandmother lived with our family from the time I was five.)

After all, my entire childhood was filled with people in and out of our house... some visiting... some visiting indefinitely. I can't even remember a time as a child when someone outside our immediate family wasn't living with us, often occupying the couch for months at a time. Not too long ago, I visited my mother & grandmother, who still live together three hours away, and while we were standing in the kitchen, some strange guy walked up the steps, got something out of the refrigerator, and walked back down, closing the door behind him.

"Who was that?" I asked, since the dude hadn't even glanced our way.

Mom waved her hand at the door where he had just disappeared. "Oh, that's just Smoky. He lives in the basement."

That's all she said.. lol! I just shook my head. Folks are STILL moving in with Mom and Mamaw. (Smoky happened to be a friend of my brothers-in-law who was down on his luck and needed a place to stay.)

I will say that even though my mother and grandmother are both widows and live "alone", they are never lonely or without care. Along with their own family, people visit them all the time. One of the now grown men they took in as a teenager lives nearby. He checks in on them every day & does whatever heavy work they have. On Valentine's & Mother's Day, their table is filled with candy & flowers. Folks love my mother and grandmother. They truly are reaping the harvest of what they have sown for so many years.

But I digress. Back to the question, "How did Mom & Mamaw do it?" When I finally thought about it... really thought about it... I realized they didn't do anything at all except love people enough to share what they had. They never decorated or cooked up a special meal. Their plates didn't match and we certainly didn't have any fine silver. We didn't even have a pool (though we loved our old charcoal grill). My mom, dad, & grandmother just opened the door to whomever stood outside and invited them inside to share in their lives.

Once that realization was made, hospitality became easier for me. Not easy, mind you, because I am a highly co-dependent person (meaning I have a great need for people to like me and hold me in high esteem), but over time I have learned to relax, take off the mask, and let people into my home to see me as I truly am.

Everyone who knows me will tell you I'm inconsistent. I am not a great housekeeper. I spend too much time on the computer. I have alot of faults. But that doesn't seem to matter at all to the dozens of teenagers who spend much of their time here (and have for several years). They feel comfortable enough that they don't knock when they come to the door (I tell them to come on in; otherwise, I'd be up and down answering the door all day long). If they're hungry, they find themselves something to eat. If they're sleepy, they lie down and take a nap. They feel at home here. Most of them call me "Mom".

I believe I have found the key to hospitality: along with the willingness to share your home and resources, the ability to give up all your pretentions... to be who you are and nothing more and give people the chance to love you despite your imperfections.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Beating the Tar Out of Fibromyalgia

Kathy — Sat, 16 May 2009 03:13:00 GMT

Okay, I'm not sure if some of you have ever heard the hillbilly expression "beating the tar" out of something, so I will explain. To beat the tar out of something means you are determined to win, relentlessly trying to do it harm. That's the way I feel about fibromyalgia & I think I'm on the right track.

I decided to write some of my strategy down after seeing all the comments on a friend's Facebook post on fibromyalgia. It seems that fibromyalgia is still beating the tar out of alot of really nice people, and that makes me sad. Now, I would never claim that I've won the battle with this horrible disease, but I can definitely say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have learned to minimize its awful effects on my body. And I am still in hopes of beating it plumb out of my system (plumb=totally in hillbilly speak).

My philosophy is very easy. I try to never put anything into my mouth or on my body that I can't pronounce. If I don't know what it is, I don't want to eat it. And if you put it on your body, you might as well eat it.

As you might expect, eating healthy is much more time consuming and expensive than just going along on the fake stuff the food industry wants to feed us. Much of my life centers around food, I admit, but the results are such that I can't go back to living any other way. I can't even imagine how awful it would be to go back to lying on the couch all day, getting depressed, neglecting my family.... fibromyalgia is just an awful disease and I will do whatever I can to defeat it.

So if I were once again just beginning, here's what I would do. I would examine my diet (and my family's diet) to determine where the greatest impact could be made in regards to food. We drink alot of milk, so we began by buying organic milk. We eat alot of bread, and since organic bread is very expensive, I learned how to make homemade bread using organic flour. (I really, really, REALLY want a grain mill, but that is another post.) We did some research and learned which vegetables have the most pesticides in them, and the ones we use the most we try to buy organic or grow at home.

Go off of any sodas. If you have fibromyalgia & want to get better, just forget about the soda you can buy in the store. If you must have soda, look into fermenting it yourself. I haven't tried it yet, but am told it is delicious and nutritious as well.

Take a look at your drinking water. Fluoride is quite possibly a major problem. The set of symptoms that is called "fibromyalgia" in the United States, is called "Fluorine Poisoning" in several other countries.

Avoid refined sugars. The process used to refine this, at least, semi-healthy substance turns it into poison. If you must have sugar, use the organic kind. Better yet, use raw honey, molasses, or real maple syrup.

Ditto refined white flour. If you must have white flour, use unbleached whole grain flour or flour made from winter white wheat.

Take a look at your oils. They need to be expeller pressed, not extracted with hexane, another poisonous substance.

I know this is all very overwhelming. Just start slow and move forward. As you begin to feel better and learn more and more to incorporate into your life, the good effects will snowball and pretty soon you'll notice a huge difference in your quality of life. I will try from time to time to post strategies and recipes that I have learned.

Hope, by the way, is a great healer in itself. I hope I have at least given you that.

Blessings & Happy fighting!

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

What Does Reverence Mean?

Kathy — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:11:00 GMT

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife
even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband
...Ephesians 5:33

Most of us are familiar with Ephesians 5:33... "let the wife see that she reverence her husband", and most of us have been told that scripture means we are to "respect" our husbands. In the NIV translation of the Bible it is even translated "respect". The problem is that the word that was translated "reverence" by the King James Version has a much deeper meaning than "respect" as we know it today.

Since the Greek word used in this verse is phobeo, and it is the same word used to describe the utter awe the disciples felt for Jesus when He commanded the wind and waves to be still, I believe it is much more than just respect, especially as known in our culture today.

In Ephesians 5, the scriptures repeatedly compare the husband and wife relationship in a marriage to the relationship between Christ and the Church: wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22), the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church, (Eph. 5:23), the wife is subject to the husband and the Church to Christ (Eph. 5:24), and the husband is to love his wife, cleanse, nourish and cherish her as Christ the Church (Eph. 5:25-29). So it stands to reason that even in reverence we are to look to the Christ/Church relationship as an example.

If the Lord were in the room, would we make belittling jokes about Him? Neither should we do so to our husbands. If Christ were present, would we cut off His words and/or finish His sentences for Him? Somehow I doubt that we would. Why? Because we reverence Him. We'd be in total awe. I think we'd be doing well to still be able to speak in His presence.

Now I know it is unrealistic to have that kind of reverence for another human being, even our husbands, but we can have that kind of reverence for the authority that is given to him by the Lord. We should be careful how we speak to him and how we speak about him, (especially in front of our children), and we should never, ever make him the butt of a joke.

We should listen when he speaks and place great importance on what he says to us. We should let our admiration for him show, especially in public. Since his authority is given to him by the Lord Himself, we should treat our husband with deference and yes... even awe.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Appalachia is Rich Where it Truly Counts

Kathy — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

It was bound to happen.

It's been stewing for two or three days now. I expected it... really... and sure 'nuff, this morning it happened.

I woke up on my soapbox.

My sister called me a few nights ago and told me to turn my tv to a program by Diane Sawyer being aired on ABC. Seems they were doing a documentary on Appalachian children... poor little snot nosed things.

My sister was obviously offended and it only took me a few minutes to be right there with her. Where in the world did they find so many kids with dirty faces? They must have searched and searched. Or maybe they just set up their cameras wherever they heard the joyful squeals of children swinging on vines and rolling down the hills of Appalachia. That would make a child pretty dirty. But I'll bet they really had to work to get those happy expressions off of their faces.

The documentary pulled out all the old stereotypes. Not much originality there. They simply perpetuated the myth that all the folks in Appalachia are dirt poor, uneducated, incestuous, drug-addicted losers.

Oh! I take that back. They did come up with one I'd never heard before. It seems that Appalachian folks have such bad teeth (oh really?) because they drink too much... get this... Mountain Dew! Truly! They really said that!  ROFL! If t'weren't fer us ig-nert mountain folk, Mountain Dew might go plum out of bizness!

What really irritates me, I guess, is not the ignorance, but the sheer arrogance of those city folk who come in and tell us how miserable we are... or should be. They tell us that we're poor so we must be unhappy. They tell us our standard of living is substandard, whatever that means. They are the ones who really know how to live and thank the good Lord, they're here to show us how. PUH-LEESE.

What those folks fail to understand is that Appalachia is rich... truly, truly wealthy. Maybe not in the world's estimate, but when it comes to the true riches... baby, we've got 'em. Close families, strong faith, happy kids with the mountain playground in their backyard.... what could be better?

Ms. Sawyer showed us a scene of a few women sitting out on a porch swing with a few kids. The porch was piled up with old junk, none of the women had on makeup or fancy clothes, and of course, the kids were dirty. But they were singing an old hymn, and it was the sweetest sound. I'd choose to be there ANYDAY over a stuffy old formal living room with Ms. Sawyer and her cronies. The mountain scenery is just beautiful and nothing can match its peacefulness, not even Ms. Sawyer's well-manicured lawn & gardens.

And Ms. Sawyer really showed her ignorance when she commented on the words to the hymn... I am dreaming of a mansion... She seemed to believe the women were dreaming of moving from the mountains to a mansion here on earth. What boloney!

(Psst... Diane, dear, they were singing about Heaven, not a place here on earth. What they have here on earth is already as close to Heaven as it gets.)

What I don't understand is what is wrong with Ms. Sawyer herself, since I am told she's from the mountains. Like Ms. Sawyer, I am from the mountains, and like her again, I moved away several years ago.  The difference is that my heart is still in the mountains. I still identify myself as "mountain folk". How could one grow up in such a beautiful environment and not long to return?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think she really was trying to help. Appalachian folks will mostly not deny that there is a drug problem, and money (or the lack thereof) is a problem for many. I just wish she'd open her eyes to the true wealth of the area in which she spent her childhood years. Until she does, I really feel sorry for her.  SHE is living in poverty.

Maybe we should take up a collection for her.

For more about Appalachian Culture, please read What My Hearts Wants to Tell by Verna Mae Slone. I love her honesty and her genuine Appalachian voice. One of my favorite books!

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

And Still She Couldn't Read...

Kathy — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:54:00 GMT

A few days ago while I was out with my daughter, she asked me to buy her a bookcase. A few days before that, I'd bought her a $10.00 book, and just before that, a $17.00 book. Whew! This reading thing can get expensive.

But I am so thankful.

You see, now she's 15 years old and loves to read.... devours 800 page books without blinking an eye and then begs for more... but it hasn't always been that way. I can remember a time when I thought the child would never learn to read.

We tried all the popular reading curricula. We forced the issue. We didn't force the issue. We tried to make it fun. We exercised her work ethic. She cried. We cried. We argued. We prayed. We whined to everybody who would listen. None of it did any good. Still she couldn't read. She hated to read. She scored in the 10th and 15th percentile on every standardized test because she just couldn't read.

We knew she was smart. We'd seen evidence of that since she was a baby. (Or were we as parents imagining things?) She had decent genetics... her parents were reasonably smart people. (Or did we just think we were?) She had a dedicated mother and teacher. (Ah... maybe THAT was the problem.) Why couldn't our daughter learn to read? Why, at the age of 7 and 8, was she still struggling with the simplest books while other children read circles around her at the age of 4?

Thank God for Raymond and Dorothy Moore! Just as I was getting ready to despair of her ever becoming a decent reader, I happened upon an old cassette tape featuring a Focus on the Family interview with the couple many consider homeschool heroes. I have never been so relieved in my life as when I heard them explain that some children's brains are not ready to read at the age of 3 or 4, or even 5 or 6. Some children are 7 or 8, or even 9 or 10, before they are able to learn to read.

Such was the case with my daughter. I'd say she was a good solid ten years old before she began to read fairly well. I remember she finally found a book series that actually interested her... Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events... and we bought them all faithfully. Then one evening when she was around 12, she found herself bored and finished with her latest book and asked to borrow one of mine. I gave her a book of historical Christian Women's Fiction and she loved it! She devoured that and the two others in the series. And the rest is history.

Having a child who cannot read can be one of the hardest things for a homeschooling parent, especially one who lacks confidence in her ability to teach her children at home. But what if that same child was in a public or other traditional school? Why would we think that a school teacher charged with the education of 25 to 30 children would be willing/able to take the time to work with one struggling child? (Even if the child has a reading disability, I still firmly believe a parent is the best to teach them, after themselves having learned the best method.) If my daughter had been in public schools, I fear she would have been placed in a "slow learner's" class where she would only have learned to believe she was... well... a slow learner. Instead, she learned to read at home at her own pace and in her own way, her self-confidence unscathed, and she now does it well... very well. If she'd been allowed to believe she was a slow learner, would she have ever learned to read? Or more importantly, learned to LOVE to read? Somehow I don't think so.

For more information, please read Raymond & Dorothy Moore's excellent book,
Better Late Than Early!

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

The Beauty of Submission

Kathy — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:24:00 GMT

One of the most ugly characteristics of a marriage that is not set up according to Holy Scriptures is the power struggle that almost inevitably occurs between the husband and the wife. Whenever their wants or desires clash, as they are often wont to do, a childish game is played out. Who will get their way? Who will have to give in? The arguments and manipulations that ensue can, and often do, wreck even the strongest of marriages.

Many women would argue that submission to a husband is one-sided… he always gets his way… he automatically wins all the arguments… that it is terribly unfair to the wife. But those would be women who are ignorant of the peaceful inner workings of a marriage that is set up according to the Holy Scriptures.

Women who have surrendered their will to the Lord's, who have made the commitment to submit to their husbands regardless of the personal cost to themselves, have discovered a most surprising and beautiful reward in submission…

…for the husband of a wife truly committed to submission suddenly loathes to make her unhappy. While before he would have dug in his heels and resisted any effort she made to change his mind, now he openly seeks her opinion and most often will do anything in his power to please her, willingly and cheerfully giving up his own will when it is at all possible. He is most often gentle when he disagrees with her, and willing to discuss the reasons behind his decisions, listening to her input with an open heart. Rather than becoming a rampaging bully as one might expect, the opposite takes place. He becomes a compassionate leader with an open heart to the needs and desires of his wife.

Arguments become rare. There is peace in the home. The wife is cherished. The husband is respected. The marriage is strong.

That is the beauty of submission.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Silvia

Kathy — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:36:00 GMT

This is Silvia, our sponsored child from Nicaragua. (Not sure how well you can see her since this is a picture of a picture that wasn't very good to begin with.)

Silvia came into our lives about a year ago when Krista went to a concert at Southern Acres Christian Church and she found this little girl's picture on one of the tables. Then she called and nagged us to death until we came down there and signed up to become a World Vision sponsor.

I can't tell you how much joy it has brought to our family being able to sponsor and correspond with this little girl's family. I am always surprised at how close she is to my thoughts and how much I am able to care for a child I've never met in person.

In this picture she is wearing a twirl skirt and tee shirt I made her for Christmas. It is such a blessing to be able to make a difference in not only her life but the rest of her family's as well.

If you want to do something that brings alot of joy and fulfillment for only a small amount of money a month ($30), then go to www.worldvision.org and prayerfully sponsor a child.

I promise you won't regret it.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Women in Scriptures

Kathy — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:23:00 GMT

A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing ...Proverbs 9:13

A gracious woman retaineth honour: and strong men retain riches ...Proverbs 11:16

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion ...Proverbs 11:22

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones ...Proverbs 12:4

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands ...Proverbs 14:1

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. ...Proverbs 31:10-31

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him ...1 Corinthians 7:13

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God ...1 Corinthians 11:3

But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering ...1 Corinthians 11:15

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ... 1 Timothy 2:9-10

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully ...1 Timothy 5:14

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed ...Titus 2:3-5

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. ...1 Peter 3:5-6

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto

Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ...Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. ...Colossians 3:18

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. ...1 Peter 3:1-6

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Mutual Submission?

Kathy — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:10:00 GMT

You might very well have heard, especially in this day and time, that the Bible says for a husband and a wife to submit to each other, but you should know this is another attempt by a feminist society to infiltrate the church. It is part of what is called the "Egalitarian Theory", which is a belief based almost solely on one verse in the Bible:

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God... Ephesians 5:21

"Aha!" they say. "There we have it! We are to submit to each other. Mutual submission!"

What they fail (or refuse) to see is that Ephesians chapter 5 continues. Ephesians 5:21 makes a sort of introduction... a topic sentence, so to speak... and then it goes on to tell us how we are to submit:

Wives submit to your husbands (Ephesians 5:22)

Children obey your parents (Ephesians 6:1)

Slaves obey your masters (Ephesians 6:5)

Remember, there were no chapters or verses in the Bible. It was all one text. Paul began his thought by saying we should submit to each other, and then he explained the correct order (or chain of command) in which we are to submit.

No one argues that a parent should submit to their children, and it is ludicrous that a master would submit to their slaves. They do argue, however, that the Greek word used to describe a child's or a slave's obedience (hupakouo) is different than the word used to describe a wife's submission to their husband (hupatasso). Why this matters I do not know since both mean being under the authority of another, but just for the sake of argument, I'd like to point out that the word hupakouo IS used in example as to how a wife is to obey her husband in 1 Peter 3:6.

Add that to the fact that a wife's submission to her husband is reiterated in Titus 2:5 and Colossians 3:18, I have a hard time understanding how any case could be made for mutual submission.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Bring Back Obey

Kathy — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:59:00 GMT

As of late I've heard of several young brides struggling with the concept of including "obey" in their wedding vows, all of them concerned what the guests would think.

In addition, I've heard of several more who report having to spend their entire wedding reception explaining to other women why they would choose to promise such a thing.

Even after my own wedding where the pastor spoke extensively on Ephesians 5:22-33 and I promised to obey my husband, I was accosted by a woman I did not even know, a wife of one of my husband's co-workers.

"You don't really believe that stuff, do you?" she asked.

"What stuff?" I asked, seriously confused.

She blinked and shook her head. "All that obey and stuff."

"Well.... yes..." says I, "um... it is in the Bible."

"But it's so... ancient!"

Ancient? I'm sure my eyes betrayed my thoughts because she abruptly changed the subject. I guess I had lead a sheltered life, but I'd never heard God's word called Ancient. I'd always been taught... correctly taught... that God's word was alive and relevant for today. And it is.

Young brides should not have to decide whether or not to promise to obey their husbands when the Bible commands they do so anyway. They should not have to feel ashamed or agonize over it, and they certainly should not have to spend their wedding reception defending their decision. It is in God's word... period. Enough said.

Besides, the feminists have had their chance. They have tried things their way for a number of years and look where it's gotten us. Nearly half of all marriages.... even Christian marriages... end in divorce. There's obviously something wrong with their philosophy.

Maybe if more brides stood strong and promised to obey their husbands, more marriages would stand rather than fall.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Modesty is the Best Policy

Kathy — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 00:08:00 GMT

What are manufacturers thinking nowadays? What are they trying to do to our daughters?

Unfortunately, the third wave of feminism has ushered in what is probably the most immodest dress in history, and definitely in the history of the United States, which makes it a challenge for those of us who want to teach our daughters to dress modestly. After all, our culture has equated modern femininity with provocativeness, which means we have to try harder than ever to teach our daughters what God truly meant when he created femininity.

This is not so hard when your daughters are small. Most little girls inherently want to dress femininely. I remember as a little girl all I wanted to wear were dresses, the frillier the better. My mother had to make me wear pants to school on gym days. It is when little girls get school aged and conscious of style that they start to imitate culture in the way they dress.

If you homeschool, you may be able to escape this for several years, IF your daughters doesn't watch a lot of television and has friends whose mothers are interested in modesty as well. But once culture catches up with you, you might have a battle on your hands.

I am a firm believer that kids (especially preteens and teenagers) will tell you what you want to hear and then go out and do what they want to do. My children have had friends, both homeschooled and public schooled alike, whose parents are convinced their daughters are little angels (because of what they're saying and how they're behaving at home) when in fact, they are putting on makeup and changing their clothing the moment they get out of sight of their parents. Regardless of what they're saying or doing at home, if your daughters do not have modest values in their own hearts, you have little chance of getting them to adhere to them. Shaping these values is a delicate balance of parental authority, parental compromise, and parental teaching.

It is great if you can start early shaping their beliefs on feminine and modest dress. You might sparingly point out immodestly dressed females on television or in the shopping malls. I say "sparingly" because if you overdo it, you start to sound like a nag or a broken record. And be careful how you point out the problem so that you don't teach your daughter a hateful, judging attitude. You might say something along the lines of "I'm sure she doesn't realize it, but..." or "We should pray for that woman so that God will show her that she's beautiful without all those revealing clothes."

Buying clothing for your daughter is a HUGE challenge nowadays. We've spent countless hours looking for clothing that both myself and my daughter can feel good about. I have had to compromise several times, and she has had to compromise as well. We went through a couple of years where I would just cringe whenever she wore a spaghetti strap top (one of our parental compromises) or where she would pout for an hour because she wasn't permitted to buy that strapless top (one of those things we wouldn't compromise on).

Thankfully she's now coming out of that and showing signs of making more modest choices. I was elated a few days ago when she was horrified at some of the suggestive costume patterns for little girls in the catalogs.

"Mom, they're trying to make these little girls look like hoes (harlots)!" she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

She recently decided her bust has grown too large for spaghetti strap tops (hallelujah!) and asked me to buy her some new tops (I happily complied). I am thankful as well that her shorts have steadily grown longer, and she rarely wears that mini skirt that used to be long enough and then drew up in the dryer so that we argued over it time and time again. She has even started to police her younger cousin's clothing choices... lol.

Never underestimate, by the way, the value (or hindrance) of having the influence of older kids helping your daughter choose how she will dress.
Thankfully my daughter has older brothers she looks up to who threw a fit every time she put on a spaghetti strap top and who threatened to not let her out of the house in her mini skirt. And my older son's fiance' (who my daughter loves like a sister) was great in helping me to point out the outrageousness of the way some little girls are permitted to dress.

We still have a ways to go. I never want to give the impression that our family has arrived (we are SO far from it), but I feel we are on the right track, at least as far as modesty is concerned, and I thank the good Lord for it.

(Side Note: I have never required my daughter to dress in all dresses since I do not feel it is a commandment of God. Though she loves pretty, feminine things, she does not have the desire to do so at this time. She is ultra-feminine in other ways, however. By her own choice her hair has grown halfway down her back, and she loves the womanly arts, especially cooking. I am in high hopes that one day both my daughter and my daughter-in-love-to-be will make the choice to emphasize their femininity to the maximum, but until that time I do not plan to nag or badger them as I feel it would be counterproductive.)

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

The Words of a Lady

Kathy — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 00:07:00 GMT

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.
Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! ...James 3:5

Truth

Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. ...Psalm 34:13

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit. ...Proverbs 15:4

The lip of truth shall be established forever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment. ...Proverbs 12:18

Gossip

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. ...1Timothy 5:13

The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue....Proverbs 25:23

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly....Proverbs 18:8

A Time to Speak

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!...Proverbs 15:23

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. ...Proverbs 25:11

Let your words be well chosen and few... In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin:
but he that refraineth his lips is wise. ...Proverbs 10:19

Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him....Proverbs 29:20

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles....Proverbs 21:23

Soft & Sweet

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. ...Proverbs 15:1

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. ...Proverbs 12:25

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. ...Proverbs 16:24

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. ...Proverbs 31:26

Praise

And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long. ...Psalm 35:28

Refrain from Nagging

A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. ...Proverbs 9:13

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. ...Proverbs 21:9

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. ...Proverbs 21:19

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. ...Proverbs 27:15

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Frugal Tips

Kathy — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 00:06:00 GMT

Always, always make a grocery list. Plan your menu, balancing the more expensive items with less expensive, and make a list. To save time, you might consider saving your menus and corresponding grocery lists until you have a month’s worth, then rotate them, adding in new dishes at your leisure.

Make two meals and freeze one for a later use whenever you can. There are lots of advantages to this. You save money by buying your food in bulk. You have a dinner in the freezer ready to use so that you don’t run out for fast food when you are too busy to cook. And it is so nice to have a ready-made dinner in the freezer when you are ill or not feeling well.

Try not to buy convenience foods as they are usually more expensive and less healthy. Learn several quick, cheap recipes for when you need a convenient meal. Or better yet, always have at least one frozen meal in the freezer.

Do away with soda. Not only is soda expensive, but it is SO unhealthy. Get used to drinking water and you won’t be sorry.

Plan dishes with smaller portions of meat rather than whole servings of meat per person. Or better yet, learn several “meatless” meals. The meat is usually the most expensive part of the meal. Examples: spaghetti, casseroles, beans, etc.

Freeze food when it is in season. Strawberries, for example, cost a whole lot less per pound in June than they do in December. Buy them in droves and freeze them in big zipper seal freezer bags. (They won’t stick together if you lay them out on a cookie sheet and freeze them individually before you put them in the freezer bag.) Freeze your corn in July or August. Get bunches of green and red peppers while they are on sale. You can easily freeze enough to use all year long if you are smart.

Grow your own herbs. If you use a lot of herbs, you can save a bundle by growing them right in your windowsill, and they taste better besides. They are easy to keep, but I’ve never been very successful starting them from seed. I’d suggest buying them as seedlings.

Shop at discount food stores. We have a store called Save A Lot in our area that offers great discounts on food. We’ve discovered that their ravioli tastes identical to Chef Boyardee, and their canned beef stew and canned chili can’t be distinguished from Armour Brand.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Can a Bad Tree Bring Forth Good Fruit?

Kathy — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 00:04:00 GMT

A good tree cannot bring forth evil
fruit, neither can a corrupt tree
bring forth good fruit...Matthew 7:18

The feminist movement officially began with only a handful of discontented women who decided to launch a rebellion against their government, their husbands, and society.

Abigail Adams: If particular care and attention
is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to
foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound
by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.

Though Elizabeth Cady Stanton is often hailed as one of the first and foremost leaders of the feminist movement, you will rarely find it revealed anywhere on the internet or otherwise that her husband was so upset by his wife's rebellion and her participation in the first feminist rally organized by his wife and others in 1848 at Seneca Falls, NY that he abruptly left town*.

Even though these women are hailed as heroines by our culture today, we as Christian women should form our own opinion of their rebellious actions, formed through scriptural knowledge. One such scripture to be aware of is found in 1 Samuel 15:23:

For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry...

So already we see we have a Biblical problem with the roots of feminism. Add that to the fact that Mrs. Stanton (again, one of the foremost leaders of the feminist movement) had a rather dismal view of the Bible and Christianity in general as evidenced by numerous quotes attributed to her, and we begin to realize the whole tree of feminism is rotten right down to the roots.

When women understand that governments
and religions are human inventions; that
bibles, prayer-books, catechisms, and encyclical
letters are all emanations from the brain of
man, they will no longer be oppressed by the
injunctions that come to them with the divine
authority of "thus saith the Lord." -- Elizabeth
Cady Stanton, quoted from Thomas S Vernon,
Great Infidels, quoted from James A Haught,
ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief

The memory of my own suffering has prevented
me from ever shadowing one young soul with
the superstitions of the Christian religion. --
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Eight Years and More
(1898), p. 26

Hence it should not come as a surprise that during the second wave of feminism a 1971 Declaration of Feminism reads:

"All of history must be rewritten in
terms of the oppression of women.
We must go back to ancient female
religions like witchcraft."

Today, abortion and lesbian rights are among the top two priorities listed on the National Organization of Women's website, yet still many of the ideas and philosophies of feminism are becoming rooted even in our churches. How could this be? And worse yet, what are the results?

*Based on actual newspaper article printed July 19, 1848 and reprinted in Chronicle of America.
Publisher: Jacques Legrand, Editor-in-Chief John W. Kirshon.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Feminine Appearance

Kathy — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:03:00 GMT

From scripture we know that the Lord is more concerned over the inside of a person's heart than what they wear on their body; nonetheless, the Bible does have a great deal to say about the outer appearance of a woman.

Feminine Clothing

Even as early as the book of Deuteronomy the Bible has something to say about the proper clothing of a woman:

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man,
neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for
all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God
...Deuteronomy 22:5

The Lord feels so strongly about this, in fact, that He refers to a woman wearing a man's clothing an "abomination" -- something that is loathed by God. If our outer appearance was of no consequence to God, why would He use such strong language in the preceding scripture?

So what does this verse mean, "that which pertaineth to a man"?

Since during those times men and women both wore something akin to robes, I believe this verse is highly dependent on the culture of the day. Our culture today accepts pants on both men and women, and pants are made for both men and women. Therefore it stands to reason that a woman wearing women's pants is dressed as a woman, not a man.

However, the item of clothing that truly separates a man from a woman in today's culture is the female dress or skirt. When one draws a stick person, he puts pants on him to make him seem male and a skirt on her to make her seem female.

Hence we know which door to enter for the ladies' restroom.

I do not believe it is wrong for a woman to wear a pair of pants fashioned for a woman, but to be truly feminine... to look the part of a lady... it is infinitely preferrable to wear a dress.

A Woman's Glory

But if a woman have long hair,
it is a glory to her: for her hair
is given her for a covering.
...1 Corinthians 11:15

Again, the Bible does not command that a woman wear her hair long. Note the verse says, "if". However, it does explain that a woman's hair was given to her for a covering. Long hair is another of the identifiers of a woman and a mark of femininity.

Side note: In our culture it is expected that older women should cut their hair. This is another lie told to us by society. The verse says, "if a woman have long hair," not "if a young woman...". Old women, young women, middle-aged... it doesn't matter. Long hair is a sign of femininity and is beautiful on a woman.

Vanity

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair,
and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But
let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,
which is in the sight of God of great price.
...1 Peter 4:3-4

Here the Bible stresses the manner and inner heart of a woman rather than the outward appearance; however, we can learn from this verse that the Lord would have us dress simply rather than elaborately, which is a sign of vanity. I'm not saying we should not wear all the beautiful colors He has given us or enjoy a pretty bit of lace or ruffle. Rather we should not feel like we have to have the most expensive clothing, elaborate hairstyles, or chests full of jewelry to look beautiful and feminine. A woman is at her most beautiful when she does not seek to call attention to herself through her appearance.

Modesty

In like manner also, that women
adorn themselves in modest apparel,
with shamefacedness and sobriety;
not with braided hair, or gold, or
pearls, or costly array.
...1 Timothy 2:9

What some are calling "the third wave of feminism" has ushered in what is probably the most immodest clothing of all time. Young men can scarcely even go to church nowadays without being confronted with a scantily clad young lady. Of course the Bible tells him it is a sin for him to even look upon a woman with lust in his heart (Matthew 5:28), so what is he to do? Go about with blinders on?

Our culture has told women the lie that it is a compliment for a man to look upon her with lust in his heart, when in fact it is a sin to him, and I believe, also to her if she has dressed in a manner to entice him. Any woman who feels it is not her responsibility to dress modestly in order to save a man from sin should study 1 Timothy 2:9.

Though our culture might tell us that showing our bodies is a sign of womanhood, the Bible tells us that modesty is a mark of true femininity.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Non-Christian Husband

Kathy — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 00:15:00 GMT

Though a woman might find dozens of reasons to fear being submissive to her husband, one of the more legitimate reasons is the instance where she is a Christian while her husband is not. While the wife of a Christian man can rightfully expect her husband to treat her with the love and understanding mandated in scripture, what assurance has the wife of a non-Christian man? All in all, it seems a good enough reason to dismiss the idea of submission to such a husband.

Until we happen upon 1 Peter 3:1-2(KJV): Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

What we see from scripture is that the Lord mandates a wife's subjection to her husband whether he is a Christian or not. We see it is even more important that a wife submit to a husband who is not obedient to the Lord because from that reverence and obedience, he can be won to Christ without a word from anyone else.

There is little doubt that submission to a non-Christian husband could be a heavier cross to bear; however, the greater benefits of winning him to Christ cannot be measured.

In the meantime, ladies, the Lord is still on his throne, and He is still most interested in caring for his daughters. In faith, obey the Lord's command to submit to your husband, and He will take care of you.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

What Kind of Example Are You?

Kathy — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 00:01:00 GMT

One of the first things I learned when my daughter was tiny was that no matter what I did she imitated it. Having only had sons previous to her, this came as somewhat of a pleasant surprise to me. It was cute, it was flattering, and it was entertaining.

It wasn't until she was around 18 months old that I became aware of how big a responsibility this was. I was helping to put together my sister's wedding and was about as stressed out as I'd ever been. Since the family of my sister's fiance' had promised to help and hadn't followed through, I was even more stressed and not just a little bit angry. Stomping through the house grumbling, I turned just in time to see my daughter stomp her foot and let out a few grumbles of her own, her beautiful little face screwed up in fury.

Well, my anger left me in a whoosh and I repented, realizing I had not been teaching my daughter a servant's heart, but rather an arrogant and angry attitude.

The fact is, you can tell your daughter how she should behave all day long, but until you model it yourself, it is going to make little impression on her. That is why it is so important that we ourselves learn what Biblical Womanhood looks like so we can teach it to our daughters.

So how do you spend your time? Do you let her see you studying the Bible or listening to praise music? Do you serve and give to others with a cheerful heart? Do you speak respectfully of and to her father?

Remember, the one thing that is going to teach your daughter the most is your own example. What will she learn from you?

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Why Should I Submit to Him?

Kathy — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:15:00 GMT

Why should I submit to him??? He's no better than I. As a matter of fact, I am better than him when it comes to spiritual matters. I have better judgement... I am smarter... I make more money...

I have no doubt these arguments have been circling around since the beginning of time... or at least soon after Adam and Eve were kicked out of the garden.

So why should you submit to a husband who is less spiritual than yourself, or who makes less money, or who has more problems in his life than you?

Because God said so....

All authority comes from God, and He chose to give it to your husband, despite your own perceived superiority. I'm sorry if this sounds really blunt, but if you refuse to submit to your husband for whatever reason (unless he asks you to sin) you are committing a sin.

But...

No buts... the Bible is clear.

Enough said.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...

Why Would I Want to be Liberated?

Kathy — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:14:00 GMT

"Women's Liberation? Not for me. I would have to step down from my pedestal."

I love this quote from a friend's grandmother when she first learned about a thing called "Women's Liberation". I think she was probably a wise woman.

Maybe she knew how blessed she was to be protected and pampered by a husband who loved her. Or maybe she had the foresight to realize that this so-called "Women's Liberation" would actually put women in bondage, robbing them of their rightful place in society, causing untold miseries in their lives and those of their children. Whatever her reason, I couldn't agree more.

I am a stay at home wife. I have the privilege of homeschooling my children. I never have to worry with the finances or maintaining the car, and if there is a heavy job to be done my husband will not even allow me to touch it.

I am the first to admit I am quite spoiled. My husband is kind and considerate of my feelings. If I ask for something, he will do all in his power to get it for me, often sacrificing his own desires for mine, and if I express a different opinion than his own, he gives careful consideration to it.

And all I have to do is submit to my husband.

How could something that is made to sound so hard, that is decried aloud in the streets, that is feared and maligned and misunderstood, actually be so... easy? For I have found that it is not a burden to submit to my husband. It is not a thing to be hated and it is certainly not something to be feared. It is something that has brought joy to my marriage, to both my husband and myself. This should not come as a surprise to Christians. After all, the Bible does teach us that as wives we are to submit to our husbands (Ephesians 5:22). When did we start believing Satan's lie that it would make us miserable? Our Lord is a loving Father, both of his sons and his daughters. He knows what is best for us. To listen to the decriers would be foolish.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, and it will bring you nothing but joy.

Handmaiden's Joy - Biblical Womanhood
...be it unto me according to Thy word...